It's been awhile. Sometimes I go through writer's block or I'm uninspired. Today though I want to talk about the beginning. Yeah, the beginning of the blog. I started this blog because of a class. I was an education major at the time and blogging was a required course. It's a good way for teachers to connect with parents and students. I took the class based on the teacher not realizing what course I signed up for. First week of class we had to pick a topic and I chose dating.
Dating after 40 is hard. My dating life is non-existent. Even when I lived in Las Vegas I seemed to attract the losers, the cheaters, or the "I'm a nice guy but I just want to fuck." Yeah, I went there.
If I told you most of my horror stories I could fill a novel. Like one guy was married, but wanted me to come over and pee on his wife's pillow. Like WTF!
Or I get the guys that are only after a hook up. I'm too old for that shit.
And another set of guys that see Veteran and think I'm a free paycheck, even after the military. One guy asked me to pay his bills.
I know, I know. I'm nothing special to look at but I do have morals and convictions. Do you? Have you ever really asked yourself what you're looking for in a SO? And if you are talking to someone have you asked them the same thing?
Here's the thing, guys and gals, don't settle. I feel like I have to take whatever is given to me even if it's only one sided, my side, because that's it for me. I've been told so many times by guys that because I'm a big girl this is all I'm going to get. I might be big but I have a good heart.
Two big things in any relationship: trust and communication. If either is severed, then it won't work. In the words of Kevin Hart, let me explain. Well, trust doesn't need an explanation. Does it? I would hope not. Communication does.
You have to be able to talk. If all conversations turn to sex and you're not comfortable, say something. If he or she makes you feel like shit because you're not comfortable talking about it, it's not going to work.
I'm not comfortable and it seems like the last few guys I have talked to on POF or OKCupid only talk about sex. I'm not a prude, but there's more to life than just sex. But when I said something, I felt like shit based on their reactions. Like I'm the bad guy. And maybe I am. Maybe I will be lonely and miserable the rest of my life. It's my life to live. I would love for a guy to buy me tacos and tell me I'm pretty. Does that man exist?
Now I'm craving tacos, great. Okay, let's get back on topic.
Relationships are a two way street, and if only one person is on it, then back out and try again. I know I should take my advice, but I'm not that smart.
And if they aren't listening to you, then switch gears, down shift and try again.
What I really want to say to these guys is that I'm not a prude and I like sex, when it's appropriate to talk about. Two days in is not the time. And the reason I send you pictures and play along is because I want you to like me. But some of you aren't listening except with your dick instead of your head. If you're telling me that you're hard all the time, yeah, I'm going to talk a good game, but I'm not that experienced. I want to tell you it makes me uncomfortable but I don't think you will even care. This is my opinion. Only mine. I do want to find love, but I don't feel like I should have to give myself up to do it. I also don't want to tell you how I feel because if I do it would make you mad.
None of this makes me a bad person. And these are my feelings.
No one should ever tell you to feel a certain way.
I want to be loved and love someone. But I want to be loved for me. And if I don't want to talk about deep throating your cock I shouldn't have to. The song I chose for this is perfect, get to know the person. Everything about them, their likes and dislikes, their pet's name, what they do. Not every conversation has to be a porno.
I get that I'm not normal. But what is normal? We all have our quirks and ticks. But some of you need to go back to the beginning and think about what you want in life, in love, from others.
And try a little empathy. Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes every once in awhile.
Love is out there, you'll find it. I'm a hopeless romantic so I will always think about "the one," even if it's yours and not mine. But I'm hoping that someday I will find that guy that will buy me tacos and tell me I'm pretty.