To the Window………
To the wall. You know the rest. I know you were singing along. Anyways.
They say music soothes the savage beast. I can agree with that. When I was in junior high and high school I was in the choir. I did a couple of musicals. No, I didn’t have the lead, but it was still fun. I felt like I could release all my emotion into song. My family will tell you I show no emotion. Very rarely do I get animated about something around them. It’s the same with people. I have learned to close myself up. Hence the song.
I build up these walls. I keep myself closed off. Is resting bitch face contagious? Is resting bitch face emotional or just a look people give? I must give it off a lot. When something makes me happy or someone makes me feel something, a wall gets knocked down. Once I’m alone again, I build it right back off. I feel like I can’t get hurt when I’m in my protected environment. But is that anyway to live?
So, with music, I find that I can let loose. I loved being onstage and singing my heart out for people I didn't know. Bringing them happiness through song, made me happy. The love of musicals and the theater are goals. If I could do it for a living I would. I sing in my car, I get really into whatever song I’m singing along to. People probably think I’m having a seizure. But it’s at that moment, I don’t care what I look like. I can just be me.
I’m not the only one that feels like that. I understand it’s not healthy. Sometimes you have to feel defeat, to make mistakes, to feel lose. And in that the phoenix rises from the ashes. You have to walk through fire to learn that growth is ok. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.
When you feel happy, and not just acting, but feel truly happy, then no one can sell you what you don’t need. My friend, George, told me that. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side, but what did they go through to get it that way? And are they truly happy with how it turned out?
I might not ever break down all my walls. Maybe you won’t either. But if you can forget about what everyone else has and see what is in front of you, things will fall into place. And maybe it’s not the path you thought you needed to trek, it could be a short path to your destiny. Live a little, get out of your comfort zone. Things happen when you least expect it and they happen for a reason beyond our comprehension. But sometimes we need to break down our walls.